Life without balance: A Self Portrait

It seems that lately things go from one extreme to another, and with each change a different part of my life jumps to priority.  This has left me with the sensation of having way too many balls in the air, and not enough hands to catch them.  (tee hee hee…balls….i’m immature…)

I once overheard two of my friends talking – one said “if I could give you anything I would give you another hour in every day” and the other looked up from her work with a huge grin spread across her face. “That may be the nicest gift I’ve ever gotten” she responded.


Lord, do I know how that lady feels.  Slowly slowly I’m learning to prioritize when everything seems like it should be the priority.  There’s “part-time-job”, where it’s so easy to prioritize. Why can’t everything be like that?  And then there’s “resident-manager-job”, which is great with the exception of being on call all the time and they know where you live.  And then there’s “music-business-job” which is long and tedious and about as exciting and glamorous as waiting in line at the DMV. The tasks never ever ever stop or go away. Oh and then somewhere in there I’m supposed to be writing some stuff too because there is no “music-business-job” if I don’t have, you know, music.  (Vicious circle.)  Oh, and it has to be GOOD music.  I’ll just quickly schedule inspiration in between email, booking a tour, scheduling the plumber, writing a fundraising campaign, updating personnel files, fixing the cupboard door, calling the painter, designing the in-house marketing pieces,  and finalizing a couple of video shoots.  NO. PROBLEM.

Yes, I am feeling a little overwhelmed, and yes, I am feeling temporarily sorry for myself.  It will go away by tomorrow, so no worries.  I will not turn into a whiny cry baby person who is annoying like guy-who-won’t-stop-talking-to-you-on-the-bus.

On the upside – I have been able to shuffle my hours at “part-time-job” in order to get more done with the “music-business-job” so that I have more time to, you know, write music.

If this constant see-sawing wasn’t already blatantly obvious, there is also a re-occurring exercise in the Artist Way (which I’m still plugging along at) which is meant to draw your attention to anything that may be out of balance in your life.    You draw a circle (the virgo traces the bottom of a glass-such a control freak) divide it into 6 pie pieces and then each piece gets a different label that is a part of life.  Adventure/Romance, Spirituality, Work, Exercise and so forth.  You place a dot between the center of the circle and the outside rim to gauge the level of that part of your life – the rim being 100% and the center being 0. Then connect the dots, baby.    How uneven am I?   Fairly.  I’ll tell you this; work is at 100%.  I think initially I drew the dot outside of the circle on the opposite facing page, but then felt like that was cheating so erased it.  Spirituality is also pretty high, because lately I’m counting every exclamation of “Dear God!” and “Holy Jesus!” as prayers.

I have been a full-time-artist now for 6 months. And I have been very successful thus far. But today I miss my friends that I don’t get to see very often anymore because I’m working all the time.  And I miss having the money to go try out the specialty cocktails at the new hot bar that my full-time-job used to allow for.  I miss going shoe shopping and getting my nails done by strangers and other little piddly things that were just silly and fun.

I knew what I was giving up when I chose this adventure.  And I know this is only temporary (sad-face will be gone tomorrow).  After all, I’m 900 times happier now than I ever was then.  I’m just having a day.  Everything is live and learn –  and one thing I have learned is this: Rebel Yell Whiskey and home-made pedicures are pretty damn fun.

And at the end of the day, it is so worth it.


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