You heard me.
I was still totally new to playing rock. To gain experience I had decided to just say yes to everything that came my way and try out as many things as I could until my calendar just wouldn’t allow room. Thusly, when I got the phone call from Margrit saying this band needed a sub for an important show down in L.A. I said “sure, why not?”
Enter Sparrows Point.
I find myself sitting here at the close of the year feeling a little more empty than I expected. It’s not an entirely unpleasant feeling. I know part of that was losing my orange cat-buddy, Colin, very suddenly in mid-October. Part of it is that I physically downsized my personal belongings a lot over the last year. But the biggest part of that emptiness is the space left open from the old fears and emotional weight I’ve decided to (finally) let go.
Letting go has been challenging for me for – well, forever.
I’m a double Virgo (control freak) so the fact that I couldn’t just grasp the concept and immediately move on drove me nuts. That is why I’ve been working on this concept, in particular, this past year.
I almost always start laughing. CHOOSE to be a musician? I didn’t CHOOSE to be a musician. Who would ever do this to themselves? In fact, I’ve quit being a musician five times I can think of and I’m sure there were more than that. I consider quitting at least once every couple of weeks to this day.
I am so in love with this song. (Am I allowed to say that?) I wrote it very soon after the Presidential election in 2016. It was one of those songs that came out very quickly – the whole thing probably wrote itself in like 15 minutes.
I was never taught to be brave. To my recollection.
It was more the opposite. Not cowardly, but timid. Don’t raise your voice, don’t handle things yourself. Always ask for help. Defer to men. Defer to adults. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Be a polite quiet lady. Demure. Graceful. I was taught to stand up straight, how to choose the correct china patterns, correctly set the table. How to correctly clean the house, and fold laundry. I was taught how to dress appropriately for specific occasions. How to place my hands and feet just so when having my portrait taken.
“Burst” was released to the world as a music video yesterday – this song is very near to my heart and I’ve been feeling super vulnerable for the last two weeks gearing up for it.
I wrote this song when I was at my most raw and I wanted to capture what was going on inside my head.