New Year 2018

I’ve wanted to write this blog for about a year. I’ve been trying to come up with the right word. That’s what’s been slowing me down. After all that I went through from 2014-2017 (which I’m now coining “The Business”) I’ve been lacking the right…word…for what it is I’m doing with myself now after such extreme change.

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Purging The Shoulds

Should.

That fucking word.  I swear to Christ.

It haunts us with things left undone. With potential.  An endless stream of what-ifs, could-haves, and maybes that meld into a theatrical chorus of “You are not good enough as you are”.

I’m not talking about positive self-improvement.  I’m talking about those twisted voices whose only purpose is to torment.  We all have them.

“The Shoulds”.
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2016 – Portrait of the Artist

I have an annual tradition where toward the end of the year I deep clean my apartment and purge everything I don’t use.  Year after year I slowly work myself toward being a minimalist.

If you come across an item you’re not sure about while you’re in the process of decluttering there is a three-question system you use:

  1. Do you actively use it?
  2. Do you need it?
  3. Do you love it?

I’ve been doing this for a while, so most things need two or more yeses to stay.

This year what struck me as I started cleaning out my ever-dwindling cabinets is that they are not full of “things” anymore. They are full of the people I used to be, or people I wish I was.

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I’m Ready to Talk Now

Because I understand multiple points of view, it takes me a while to figure out how I feel about things.  I’ve always seen this as a weakness because in debates I am not able to respond quickly.  And I can’t just blurt out whatever comes to mind because I also come with this self-edit-function that won’t allow me to stand up for something unless I know it’s true to ME.

And I wanted to sit on this until I knew I was saying my truthiest truth.

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Reflections on “When God Closes a Door”

I turned on The Sound of Music today to keep my head occupied while I started reorganizing my living space (a fall tradition).

It’s one of my favorite movies.  One of the things I really like about it is that every time I watch it, something else pops out at me.  Today’s thing was Maria’s reoccurring line:

“When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window”

I surprised myself by responding, “Yeah, I don’t think that’s always true.”

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Shattered

Shatter:
[shat-er]
verb (used with object)
1.  to break (something) into pieces, as by a blow.
2.  to damage, as by breaking or crushing:  ships shattered by storms.
3.  to impair or destroy (health, nerves, etc.):  The incident shattered his composure.
4.  to weaken, destroy, or refute (ideas, opinions, etc.):  He wanted to shatter her illusions.
verb (used without object)
5.  to be broken into fragments or become weak or insubstantial.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only thing that is still the same in my life right now as it was 18 months ago, is that I am currently breathing and have a heartbeat.

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kat downs

My Music Education Project

Truth:  Even though I’ve been a musician my whole life, I don’t listen to a lot of music.  Never have. Mostly because I always have music playing in my head, so sometimes I really can’t because it sounds like two radios playing at once.  Yuck.

In school, I was trained in Classical music.  The history of it, where it came from, how it evolved, branched out, church vs. secular and all that… but I never studied rock music.  Or really any modern music outside of the “played-by-a-symphony” area.  Mainly because I never planned on being a rock musician.  Funny how that worked out.  (Now I know why I felt like I never quite fit in.  Haha – retrospect is awesome. )

So, recently I decided that I wanted to educate myself since this is my career and all, so I poked around online and from several different places put together a list of the 100 “greatest albums of all time” that I want to listen to before my birthday – which is September 17th, by the way.  Gifts are always welcome.  🙂

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