Should.
That fucking word. I swear to Christ.
It haunts us with things left undone. With potential. An endless stream of what-ifs, could-haves, and maybes that meld into a theatrical chorus of “You are not good enough as you are”.
I’m not talking about positive self-improvement. I’m talking about those twisted voices whose only purpose is to torment. We all have them.
“The Shoulds”.
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Truth: Even though I’ve been a musician my whole life, I don’t listen to a lot of music. Never have. Mostly because I always have music playing in my head, so sometimes I really can’t because it sounds like two radios playing at once. Yuck.
In school, I was trained in Classical music. The history of it, where it came from, how it evolved, branched out, church vs. secular and all that… but I never studied rock music. Or really any modern music outside of the “played-by-a-symphony” area. Mainly because I never planned on being a rock musician. Funny how that worked out. (Now I know why I felt like I never quite fit in. Haha – retrospect is awesome. )
So, recently I decided that I wanted to educate myself since this is my career and all, so I poked around online and from several different places put together a list of the 100 “greatest albums of all time” that I want to listen to before my birthday – which is September 17th, by the way. Gifts are always welcome. 🙂
If there is one thing I have learned that I constantly need in my life, it’s perspective. For some reason, when anything becomes even remotely challenging that’s the FIRST thing that goes. Every time.
This is why I enjoy teaching private music lessons.
Seems unrelated, I know. Just stick with me.
I had the joy of starting a brand new flute student a few months ago. I love this. You both sit on the floor cross legged and open your flute cases. You tell the new student the names of the different parts of the flute. You ask the student to put the instrument together the way they think it should be put together and then play it for you. It’s this great cozy bonding moment. One of my favorites ever.
Me and songs. Specifically, MY songs. If I can call them that. They feel very alive to me. I am the gateway that brings them into the world, but after that they are their own beings. They grow, develop and have small, beautiful, precious moments that only I get to be a part of. They say things I would never expect. They take me places I would never have chosen to go. They make choices that make me cringe and infuriate me.
Okay. I’ve gotten a lot of sleep over the last few days and treated myself to a massage and a pedicure. I even did my hair today. I dare say I may be human again after all.
So I’ll continue.
The other friend that moved away – far away – Hong Kong Away – is Tracy. (Tracy is one of the handful of people who told me to blog more in as many days – so consider this gush part of your punishment -xoxo )
The Virgo is trying something new this month.
I began by actually sitting down and writing out my job description. I included all the tasks I own from the most obvious (Create Music) to the most mundane (Prepare food for the week). I also made sure I included all the stuff I always WANT to do, but feel like I don’t ever have enough time to do (Creative Writing, Arts ‘n Crafts – because who else is going to make hand crafted decoder rings and SKS buttons?).
“There can be only one”
If you are a fan, you will recognize that signature phrase from the cult classic, Highlander.
As big of a nerd as I am, I actually got into the Highlander TV show well before I saw the movie. It happened to be on cable when I got done with class most days my junior year in college. The perfect time to max out in front of the TV and pile through a whole bag of sour cream and cheddar potato chips because in college you have a hyper-metabolism and can get away with that sort of thing…
