life path

Shattered

Shatter:

[shat-er]

verb (used with object)

1. to break (something) into pieces, as by a blow.

2. to damage, as by breaking or crushing: ships shattered by storms.

3. to impair or destroy (health, nerves, etc.): The incident shattered his composure.

4. to weaken, destroy, or refute (ideas, opinions, etc.): He wanted to shatter her illusions.

verb (used without object)

5. to be broken into fragments or become weak or insubstantial.

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The only thing that is still the same in my life right now as it was 18 months ago, is that I am currently breathing and have a heartbeat.

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Don’t Just Stand There

You are overwhelmed. You are scared. You are the adult and the decision is yours. Everyday the decisions are yours. All of them. No one is going to tell you what to do.

But you don’t know what to do. You don’t know which decision is the right one. Or the situation is so convoluted there are multiple options but none seems to truly be the right one. Or more than one could be correct, or maybe three. And then even what initially seemed to be the wrong answer starts looking like it might be the best way to go.

“Don’t just stand there,” your brain says. “You are scared. You are uncomfortable. DO SOMETHING. ”

I used to. I used to just do something. Just pick something at random and go with it so that the decision was made and the uncomfortable would stop.

Which had disastrous outcomes. (As you may have guessed)

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Starting from Scratch

If there is one thing I have learned that I constantly need in my life, it’s perspective. For some reason, when anything becomes even remotely challenging that’s the FIRST thing that goes. Every time.

This is why I enjoy teaching private music lessons.

Seems unrelated, I know. Just stick with me.

I had the joy of starting a brand new flute student a few months ago. I love this. You both sit on the floor cross legged and open your flute cases. You tell the new student the names of the different parts of the flute. You ask the student to put the instrument together the way they think it should be put together and then play it for you. It’s this great cozy bonding moment. One of my favorites ever.

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My Relationship with Songwriting

Me and songs. Specifically, MY songs. If I can call them that. They feel very alive to me. I am the gateway that brings them into the world, but after that they are their own beings. They grow, develop and have small, beautiful, precious moments that only I get to be a part of. They say things I would never expect. They take me places I would never have chosen to go. They make choices that make me cringe and infuriate me.

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The Brag Goes On…

Okay. I’ve gotten a lot of sleep over the last few days and treated myself to a massage and a pedicure. I even did my hair today. I dare say I may be human again after all.

So I’ll continue.

The other friend that moved away – far away – Hong Kong Away – is Tracy. (Tracy is one of the handful of people who told me to blog more in as many days – so consider this gush part of your punishment -xoxo )

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Life, The Universe, and Time Management

The Virgo is trying something new this month.

I began by actually sitting down and writing out my job description. I included all the tasks I own from the most obvious (Create Music) to the most mundane (Prepare food for the week). I also made sure I included all the stuff I always WANT to do, but feel like I don’t ever have enough time to do (Creative Writing, Arts ‘n Crafts – because who else is going to make hand crafted decoder rings and SKS buttons?).

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Dear Music,

It has been you and me as long as I can remember. I remember you singing me to sleep inside my head while I sucked on my blanket, and whispering to me while I tinkered on my Mom’s piano, and hypnotizing me with the sound of the church choir. I remember the first few times you made my body vibrate in that way you do when that chord progression is *just* right (chills!). Anything I picked up you made it possible for me to play. Any tune you sent I could immediately sing. You and I walking together is so natural that I never gave it a second thought. I thought everyone was like this.

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