I Am

I am an incorrigible daydreamer in designer shoes
I wonder if I’ll ever get better at spelling
I hear the fluxy-future constantly changing its mind
I see a million empty pages to fill
I want more time, more time, more time
I am an incorrigible daydreamer in designer shoes

I pretend not to notice absolutely everything
I feel the constant pressure of p-p-potential
I touch the web, the strands, the people, the heart song
I worry I will miss a step and fall, fall, fall
I cry because I’m overwhelmed, over-feelinged, and I’ve run out of real words
I am an incorrigible daydreamer in designer shoes

I understand what it means to let go
I say my secrets out loud in encoded songs
I dream about days when things will be effortless
I try to remember all of the places and names
I hope that there is meaning even when I can’t see it
I am an incorrigible daydreamer in designer shoes

Copyright 2018 Kat Downs

Day One

what would happen
if I let go
of “woman”
of breasts and fear and rings and bills

what if I let go

of love and hope and future and vows
what if I let go
of degrees and dances and late nights and exams

what if I
let go

of skinned knees and snowflakes and picnics and broken hearts

and the place with the trees and the lake
and the haunting cry of the loon

what if I let go

of pajamas with feet, my beakie
and the smell of me and my brother
snuggled in a nest
the creak of my crib mattress
and the rocking of the chair
that lulled me to sleep

what if I let go of “what if”

if I erased

classrooms, lovers, hardwood floors, Advent services
piano lessons
overhead projectors
chastity, virginity, and the holy ghost
yarn
purple carpet
seashells
white drapes
pentagrams
lilac bushes
acolyte robes
fresh cut grass

If “I” disappeared

and started over. again.

again.

again.
          and
               again.

on day one

who would I chose to be

over who I was made to be

–Kat;Downs