When it comes to songwriting it’s pretty common for me to write a song and not really know what it’s about for a while. Sometimes years. Recently I found myself humming a melody over and over. It took me a few days to realize that it was actually an old one of MY songs – Tidal Wave. When I realized it – I had kind of an “ah-ha” moment.
what if I let go
what if I
of skinned knees and snowflakes and picnics and broken hearts
what if I let go
what if I let go of “what if”
if I erased
If “I” disappeared
and started over. again.
on day one
who would I chose to be
over who I was made to be
Mike texted me this morning and told me that Notre Dame was on fire.
I’ve been working the last week on a hard deadline (you’ll see the big announcement on Wednesday) so I took one moment from what I was doing to pull up a fresh browser window.
I don’t know what I expected. But not that.
My throat did that thing when I’m going to cry. I instantly shut it down.
“No time to feel this”, I said to myself. “Have to finish work. Have to teach. We will feel this tonight.”
Now it’s tonight. I’m safely home. All duties completed. I can sit here with a dark glass of red wine and feel every last bit of this.
Here is my story about Notre Dame.
You heard me.
I was still totally new to playing rock. To gain experience I had decided to just say yes to everything that came my way and try out as many things as I could until my calendar just wouldn’t allow room. Thusly, when I got the phone call from Margrit saying this band needed a sub for an important show down in L.A. I said “sure, why not?”
Enter Sparrows Point.
I almost always start laughing. CHOOSE to be a musician? I didn’t CHOOSE to be a musician. Who would ever do this to themselves? In fact, I’ve quit being a musician five times I can think of and I’m sure there were more than that. I consider quitting at least once every couple of weeks to this day.
I was never taught to be brave. To my recollection.
It was more the opposite. Not cowardly, but timid. Don’t raise your voice, don’t handle things yourself. Always ask for help. Defer to men. Defer to adults. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Be a polite quiet lady. Demure. Graceful. I was taught to stand up straight, how to choose the correct china patterns, correctly set the table. How to correctly clean the house, and fold laundry. I was taught how to dress appropriately for specific occasions. How to place my hands and feet just so when having my portrait taken.