Kat Downs

Answer the Damn Call

A common question I get asked in interviews is “What made you choose to be a musician?”

I almost always start laughing.  CHOOSE to be a musician? I didn’t CHOOSE to be a musician.  Who would ever do this to themselves?  In fact, I’ve quit being a musician five times I can think of and I’m sure there were more than that.  I consider quitting at least once every couple of weeks to this day.

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What Is Brave?

I was never taught to be brave.  To my recollection.

It was more the opposite.  Not cowardly, but timid.  Don’t raise your voice, don’t handle things yourself.  Always ask for help.  Defer to men.  Defer to adults.  Don’t draw attention to yourself.  Be a polite quiet lady.  Demure.  Graceful.  I was taught to stand up straight, how to choose the correct china patterns, correctly set the table.  How to correctly clean the house, and fold laundry.  I was taught how to dress appropriately for specific occasions.  How to place my hands and feet just so when having my portrait taken.

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Insomnia

At night the ocean is a giant black void. It’s the beginning and the end.  The future and the past. It’s every dream and every nightmare rolled into one. The waves are the sound of perpetual motion. Proof the world continues on around you – even when you hold your breath.  You are small. You are insignificant.

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Your Cat

Your cat does not care that you are a rockstar.  Your cat does not care that you just played a huge show and signed autographs at the merch booth.

Your cat cares that you didn’t remember to scoop the litter before you left which means now I’m very upset and I’m going to poop on the floor – and you know how I can’t stand it when there’s poop on the floor.

That upsets me even more so I will cover the poop with your shirt from the laundry basket.  There.  That’s better.  I must now suck on the blue blanket to comfort myself.

If I cannot access the blue blanket because the bedspread is in the way I will claw it out of the way.  You left me no choice.

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New Year 2018

I’ve wanted to write this blog for about a year. I’ve been trying to come up with the right word. That’s what’s been slowing me down. After all that I went through from 2014-2017 (which I’m now coining “The Business”) I’ve been lacking the right…word…for what it is I’m doing with myself now after such extreme change.

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Reflections on “When God Closes a Door”

I turned on The Sound of Music today to keep my head occupied while I started reorganizing my living space (a fall tradition).

It’s one of my favorite movies.  One of the things I really like about it is that every time I watch it, something else pops out at me.  Today’s thing was Maria’s reoccurring line:

“When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window”

I surprised myself by responding, “Yeah, I don’t think that’s always true.”

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Shattered

Shatter:
[shat-er]
verb (used with object)
1.  to break (something) into pieces, as by a blow.
2.  to damage, as by breaking or crushing:  ships shattered by storms.
3.  to impair or destroy (health, nerves, etc.):  The incident shattered his composure.
4.  to weaken, destroy, or refute (ideas, opinions, etc.):  He wanted to shatter her illusions.
verb (used without object)
5.  to be broken into fragments or become weak or insubstantial.

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The only thing that is still the same in my life right now as it was 18 months ago, is that I am currently breathing and have a heartbeat.

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