9/27/11 – The Jitters

My last official day of work was Wednesday the 21st – so tomorrow will be one week since I went “full-time-artist”.

I’ve been getting a lot of questions from people – “how is it going?” “how does it feel?” along with, I must add, an ENORMOUS amount of support. (thank you thank you thank you thank you all)

How IS it going?  Well, I’m having a hard time settling down.  I’m still getting over the remaining dregs of a bad cold (of course I get a horrible cold when I’m making big change) so I still bust into coughing when I exert myself, which has kept me from going back to yoga.  My mind is spinning about 9,000 miles per hour – a wild blur of to-do lists, and, more exciting, WANT-to-do lists.  Lists and lists of the things I want to do now that I have time.  Those are fun lists, but they are still just as distracting, constantly taking me away from NOW. I’ve dealt with it by building actual to-do lists the way I always did at my day-job – adding on things that I accomplish that I also did that weren’t on the list to remind myself when I get frustrated with a task that no, really, you ARE kicking ass, just give yourself a break.

The kitchen has been scoured from top to bottom more than once.  The laundry has been done.  Today I actually let the living room slide because I’ve been working on the new SKS website, and the other list of to-do’s – which is impressive.  That is a really really LONG to-do list.  But we’re doing it.  Bit by bit, and with a lot of help.

The part I have a hunch I’m going to have difficulty with is the removal of one hat to don another.  For instance, I’ve been working on IT, data entry and admin-style work ALL DAY.  Now, after finishing this post I will be heading off to rehearsal with Mike – time to be the artist.  Time to perform and let the music flow through me – talk about a completely different type of energy.  That’s like trying to get the water running out of a hose to run backward.

I’m very glad that I have learned the skills to be aware of this challenge, and to be able to watch how I react to it before I make any changes (here’s to 6 years of therapy)

Thoughts?

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