October 4, 2011

Humble Pie

10/4/11

*sigh*

So I was super-excited starting in on the part-time work force last week.  I have a 20 hour a week position with a new up-start company that’s really low key and fun.  Mr. F had recently gotten in at a really great catering company and spoke so highly of it, I figured… why not?  I’ve got event experience and I don’t mind serving hors d’oeuvres, so I signed up as well.  I figured it would be good to have the option to pick up extra work here and there if I need to.

I worked my first catering event last night – and while, as I said, I have no issues serving people, I DO have issues with this:

Yeah.

…..yeaaah.

So let me tell you.  I had a real “oh, how the mighty have fallen” moment when they pulled these shirts out.  I had been okay with being a cater-waiter after being a high level sales person for so many years. I had sort of been looking forward to wearing my new cute tie.  I had even made a special run downtown to have a vest as according to the dress code listed for the event.

And then THIS happened.  And let me tell you – this shirt is ridiculously tight on me. It may as well have been a sports bra. AND I had to wear my white dress shirt UNDER it, because we can’t let tattoos show. Oh yes, my friends.  I was a hottie.

The Oktoberfest theme of the evening was especially highlighted for me, as with my extreme t-shirt wearing and the blond hair oh so many of the inebriated guests enjoyed pointing out how “authentic” I looked.  “You really look German!” “um, thank you?” “That shirt is awesome!”  “is it?”

Humble pie, folks.  Humble pie.

Mr. F was working at another event and finished up before me – drove over and was waiting outside to pick me up when I headed down the stairs.  I still had the shirt on – he started laughing before I even got 20 feet from him.

It’s worth it though, right?  If I do that part time to do music full time?

I think it is… but barely.


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September 28, 2011

9/27/11 – The Jitters

My last official day of work was Wednesday the 21st – so tomorrow will be one week since I went “full-time-artist”.

I’ve been getting a lot of questions from people – “how is it going?” “how does it feel?” along with, I must add, an ENORMOUS amount of support. (thank you thank you thank you thank you all)

How IS it going?  Well, I’m having a hard time settling down.  I’m still getting over the remaining dregs of a bad cold (of course I get a horrible cold when I’m making big change) so I still bust into coughing when I exert myself, which has kept me from going back to yoga.  My mind is spinning about 9,000 miles per hour – a wild blur of to-do lists, and, more exciting, WANT-to-do lists.  Lists and lists of the things I want to do now that I have time.  Those are fun lists, but they are still just as distracting, constantly taking me away from NOW. I’ve dealt with it by building actual to-do lists the way I always did at my day-job – adding on things that I accomplish that I also did that weren’t on the list to remind myself when I get frustrated with a task that no, really, you ARE kicking ass, just give yourself a break.

The kitchen has been scoured from top to bottom more than once.  The laundry has been done.  Today I actually let the living room slide because I’ve been working on the new SKS website, and the other list of to-do’s – which is impressive.  That is a really really LONG to-do list.  But we’re doing it.  Bit by bit, and with a lot of help.

The part I have a hunch I’m going to have difficulty with is the removal of one hat to don another.  For instance, I’ve been working on IT, data entry and admin-style work ALL DAY.  Now, after finishing this post I will be heading off to rehearsal with Mike – time to be the artist.  Time to perform and let the music flow through me – talk about a completely different type of energy.  That’s like trying to get the water running out of a hose to run backward.

I’m very glad that I have learned the skills to be aware of this challenge, and to be able to watch how I react to it before I make any changes (here’s to 6 years of therapy)

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September 10, 2011

Saints rehearsal

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Omg- I just realized that I’ll be able to rehearse during the day now!! What an amazing concept!

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September 7, 2011

Today is the Day…

I’m turning in my resignation for my day job today. I’m going to be a full time artist.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I totally wish I was all “Champion on a Hill with Flag waving behind in dramatic fashion” but I’m way more “curled in a ball on the couch having an anxiety attack at 5am”

…which may or may not have happened…

But it’s been a long road to get here. And I’ve worked really hard. REALLY hard. And I have an amazing support system, and a part time job lined up to pay the bills… I’m not jumping off the cliff entirely.

Stupid fear. Always showin’ up when you’re trying to do stuff.

I’ll do it anyway – I just wish I felt more brave. But maybe that is being brave – the “doing it anyway” part. Regardless, I’m resigning today. Enter the beginning of a new life.

Ready or not… here I come!

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September 6, 2011

Taking a Leap

Today is the day. After months of talking and planning and praying, mediating and figuring things out with Mr. F – here we are.

The plan is to get me down to part time work so that I can focus on music full time. But that required one very important tool – a car.

We were saving up, searching, even got as far as making an offer on a car, but it didn’t pan out. Seems so easy- getting car. But for two working artists that is much easier said than done.

Then a phone call that changed things. A dear dear friend of mine had decided to move overseas for a few years, and would we do her the favor of buying her car??

For real?

And today is the day. I’m sitting in the DMV waiting my turn to transfer the title hoping that expressing my joy doesn’t somehow jinx the situation because this little piece of paper is a small window to artistic freedom. The first step of many. The step that continues the journey.

I cannot express my gratitude to my friend enough. Nothing I can say can match the feeling in my chest.

Thank you thank you thank you.

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August 9, 2011

8/9/11

I woke up with a cold on Sunday, which is of course slowing down my “big plan”.  *sigh* – the universe always has different plans than you do.

But – I did order my first piano tuning book and a set of tools both of which should be here by the end of this week!  That means I’ll be tuning my piano by the weekend!!

I’m excited to do something new and different, but at the same time it’s terrifying. I’m looking forward to actually getting “hands on” with my big change – I am hoping that it will be a very grounding experience and help me tell if I’m on the right path.  If nothing else, it would be an interesting hobby – but of course I’m hoping it will be much more than that.

Darling Mr. F keeps talking to me about “faith” and “taking the leap” and our crazy artist-life.  But I’m a worrier.  I wish I wasn’t, but I am.  I’m hoping someday I won’t be – but that day is not today.

Maybe tomorrow!

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August 6, 2011

8/5/11 – Making Stuff

Making a new website, making new music, and taking the first steps to making myself a piano tuner.*jumps for joy*

ALL PIANOS ALL THE TIME (also flutes)

Excited to be moving into a new rehearsal space with Mike – much less gritty than the one you see here, although sadly still very green.

I’m really looking forward to adding to my student roster as well – it’s been a hand full of years since I did teaching almost full time, and I’m really looking forward to bringing that back into my life!

–k

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